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Jesus walked down the corridor leading from the entrance of the temple of heaven after death to the elevator of the first celestial sphere, pressed the key to the attic and entered the throne room where the one God and supreme emperor and his father, change channels with the paralyzed arm and the remote toward the TV, while the lower floors, Christ and all the other residents were made between an ass like lepers, overweight and unemployed.

- my son, the Lord did, where we arrived with the Last Judgement?

- father, we just finished with the 1900 after Me

God in his infinite sagacity, mumbled something.

- how's it going? - Lord asked.

- I say to her father, so-so.

- as so-so?

- and, yes father. I felt pain on the cross, but there are people in his life if the view is even worse, my Lord.

- yes but they resurrect mica.

there was a moment of silence in the divine throne room of God, a silence that would last on earth like the mafia.

God began to change channels to the TV with nervous fever. on TV there was a documentary on Egypt of 3300 BC, the Black Death of 1347, the deportation of African slaves in 1500, the torments of the Colosseum, the bullfight in Seville, directed by, the pain and the pity of Marcel Ophuls and Finally, his favorite program.

- giving a good dad on TV? - Jesus said, wiping his face with a handkerchief immaculate.

- the Judgement of the Twentieth Century. - Said the Lord.

intrigued Jesus came to the screen for look better.

on TV was the first floor of a boy of about thirty years, burnished by rigor mortis, his face torn by adult nodular, preoccupied, wearing headphones while Mike Bongiorno and a friendly smile. the picture is enlarged. the boy was standing on a dais, surrounded by showgirls who danced to the rhythm inebetente a piece of music blaring and the audience to applaud as if he was doped up to endorphin.

that was the Judgement of the Twentieth Century. and the face of Jesus was the incarnation of a question mark.

God drank half a beer a sip, Jesus saw tortuously down the level of the beverage right into his throat and he was very thirsty.

- my father, I can get myself a beer from the fridge? - Clean and bright as he asked Jesus had just been born.

- not my son, I need. I really enjoy this quiz. indeed leave me alone and let me be Satan that I have to talk about something important.

Jesus became serious and remained motionless. the Lord had asked to summon the Devil. such an event did not happen extinction of the dinosaurs. realized that something big was going to happen and thought it appropriate to wear camouflage.

- your will be done my Lord, Jesus said to his heels to attention and saluted with.

- you can say that again, and do not be stupid. of 'Satan to bring a drink.

and said that, the God of all things is uncorked a beer and was glad, because his favorite show had begun.

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The return of the Savior

Egypt, 33 years later, at 8:00 am.

the horde of Western tourists, not at all discouraged Galvanized by frequent terrorist attacks but from the price, had been poured on the sunny beaches of Sharm el Sheikh: adult parrotfish intent to drive out of their holes, kids happy to unrivet picconate bits of coral reefs along the shoreline of women planar arrays hot sun in search of adventure, while the Egyptian waiters systematically spat in cocktails before serving its guests.

everything seemed perfect.

N0144 agent was on the beach, lying on the bed, complete with sunglasses and Bermuda shorts with patterns of stars sea, calm and happy to sip cocktails with little umbrellas and colored sputum of Egypt.

- Sir, - said a waiter serving a breakfast of oysters. - I remind you that the tournament will begin one hour of beach volleyball, the entries are still open.

- Muhamed say what the fuck? - Did N0144. - I am against the sport. rather, what do you think to bring a bit 'of that enhanced good tobacco taste that you made me yesterday?

- yes sir, - and drew his best smile. - Then you like it?

- like it? I saw the sun was nearing the ground. not to burn alive I threw myself into the water and I affectionately embraced a parrotfish.

- in this case, sir, I advise caution with the stone fish, have spines, anal and pelvic very very stinging.

- do not be an asshole Muhamed.

- certainly sir. - And went to get a hookah without losing the grimace of a smile.

now all the waiters Egyptians found themselves with the same paraplegia, laughing, always, even when poured rivers of tears.

that was life, sun, sea and love of tobacco as it is improved.

've never seen beautiful girls on the shore that are not accompanied eyes to passersby? either. In fact, those N0144 could see they were just horrifying tardone or fat out of the question. better than a parrot fish.

have sex with parrot fish was already a nice habit to get used to the beach. They were gentle, passionate at the same time, though, because fitted mouth beak bone, little inclined to practice blowjob.

came tobacco and N0144 spipettare began as a nabob.

it was not long before they can receive first hallucinations: a boy, a hippie nostalgic seventies, he is parried by side, lay on the couch next to her, poured water from the jug resting the food tray and turned into cubalibre.

- Salvatore, just drink. - Underwear a woman's voice behind him.

- yes mom. - Made the long-haired.

N0144 looked back. There was a married couple about fifty, the chances are the parents of the boy, who was quiet in the sun under a thick layer of sunscreen.

- go for a swim. - The boy did.

- do not stray too far. - The mother is recommended.

N0144 took a couple of puffs and saw the hairy enhanced approach the shoreline to test the water temperature with the leg, take a dozen steps on the surface of the Red Sea without sinking an inch and then dive bomb in between the sketches and the noises of children shouting, "the little children come to me. "

N0144 stared at the mouthpiece of the hookah almost puzzled.

the father of the hippie, on his own, with puffed dried embarrassed.

- has always been a bit 'eccentric. - His mother said, turning to N0144. had probably noticed his curiosity. - Is the first time it is in Egypt?

- that I know yes, even for you?

- no, the second one. the first time, Salvatore was not yet born. we have reason to believe that it was specifically designed during that first holiday in Egypt. Today is his birthday, Salvatore turned 33 years old. - And almost a tear welled up.

- yes, 33 years - insisted his father with obvious disappointment. - And still goes around with long hair until ...

- Peppino! - Warned him his wife abruptly.

- and those shirts that hair metal just like him.

- my husband always complains. - Balancing the woman.

- ten years are being examined flunked math. - Says her husband.

- maybe the teacher is always nervous. - Did N0144.

- forget it, sir, is not able to even do simple multiplication.

- just Peppino, leave him alone. - When suddenly he heard a piercing scream come from the shore.

N0144 turned to the side and saw the long-haired come out from the water, struggling with a swollen foot on the sand like a suckling pig.

- ommioddio! - Said the mother. - The stonefish, please help him.

- do not worry madam, - said heroically N0144. - Will see the lifeguard will know better than anyone else what to do, here are all competent people he knows well his job. - And said that he noticed that the attendant was gone, and with him one of the fat guy with sweet eyes stranded on the shore.

thus compelled to his duty by the insistent demands of the woman, the bold N0144 stood up and shot in the belly, and systematic balls in the costume, walked toward the long-haired who continued to complain but not without cursing.

- good boy, - said the boy once reached N0144. - Were days that I would get up from the couch and have your legs a bit 'stiff, but if you're good maybe we can make it.

- whether you are blessed. - The boy did.

N0144 picked him up and hopping on the burning sand, he went to the infirmary.

Muhamed, just out from the kitchen with a tray of drinks in hand, he saw the two who staggered to the surgery.

- the stonefish has struck again. - Remarked.

- Kadir, - he said, turning to a colleague who was coming. - Please, spit in the cocktails that I have a dry throat.

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The Earthquake In His Image

God sat down disconsolate on the throne of existence, took off his shoes and lit a cigarette.

- I do not fine one. - Thought.

was working for about three months in vain for a new project palingenetic: Earthquake Universal.

took another look at the manual of Sciences of Destruction, and angrily threw him off unintentionally causing a tidal wave.

- Joseph. - Called.

- yes, my Lord. - Joseph presented himself before God, all the soot and dirt with a phalanx less.

- Joseph - the Lord did calmly and magnanimous. - The parameters convergence implosion were all wrong.

- but, my Lord ...

- is the third planet that we explode in a week.

- I understand Lord, but ...

- you have to understand that you have to let someone who will hand experience.

- is my Lord.

- not to mention the impact on the gravitational system. - Said God in his infinite mercy and Joseph was silent.
- Joseph, called Jesus, that I must speak.

- yes my Lord and Master unchallenged.

- do not overdo Joseph.

- Yes, master. - And walked away.

awaiting his beloved son, God came to relax on the Sinai, and not to be photographed by tourists, took on the appearance of a bud of poppy shade of a large cypress tree.

few minutes later, a pair of young lovers, by dileguatasi medley and the mayhem of organized tourism, he found shelter from the blinding sun in the shadow of that big tree.

she was beautiful and fruitful womb, he was strong and strains generous, and neither had anything to say. facing each other is deprived of his clothes, as did St. Francis of his property some time ago, and came slowly to touch the bold, revealing their somatic quality, like Adam and Eve before.

he gently stroked her hair and a light hand pressure on the neck, the kindly suggested to follow the practice.

- love me? - Asked the girl.

- for nothing. - Replied the boy.

yet she leaned on him without any delay, so that all other thoughts vanish unnecessary by reason of both children and carefree as intimate as apes who comb.

all the time, flashed a huge exclamation point next to a bud of poppy in not more than two feet from them.

then the spell was broken, in a gush of semen, and the two lovers satisfied followed the trail back along the barren slopes of the sacred mountain.

the poppy bud was alone, in silence, and with creative talent, he began to ponder this eternal state of affairs.

I who invented the woman, I have never had one.

at that juncture, he heard footsteps coming of the path.

- father - said a voice. - Did you call me?

- oh, my son. yes, I've been waiting. Come, sit beside me. I'm sorry you know, I was over-thinking.

- over thought? - Churches Jesus with deep apprehension.

when God was thinking over something strange happened, as it was for the Crusades, the Inquisition and the Holocaust.

- yes, son. only depressed.

- what happened to his father, perhaps you have designed some new pandemic still difficult to sow panic and devastation?

- not only this son - said the Lord. - I lack inspiration. I feel alone.

- Alone? - Jesus is foreshadowed in the most inopportune of those present.

- yes son, I want a woman.

- but his father - did Jesus do with the patience that made him famous. - You are the man and the woman you are, you're good and evil, the more and less, mom and dad, ...

- no. I've decided. can I be the image of a hermaphrodite? can I call if I have not love I, for one complement, there is nothing more than to love myself? you'll come back to earth son, you'll find me a woman, and find beautiful blacks with their hair, green eyes and fair skin .

- my Lord and compassionate father of all the ideas you have crafted the dawn of time, this is surely the most extravagant.

- forget my son Adam, forget Adam. you will be back in the world, man be born again and die man, I hope take this opportunity to learn a bit 'of arithmetic, your father's flesh is a disaster.

- I do not like arithmetic.

- yes, you son of those two guys who just now have been lying here, in the shadow of this great cypress, it seems perfect. among other things, I understand that the male will become professor of mathematics.

- but my father and all-knowing Lord, what about the virginity of Mary?

- we are in the third millennium son, we do not believe anyone.

- is true - Jesus agreed - men no longer believe in anything anymore.

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Universal Agent Benedict

Bruce Wayne killed mom and dad when she was a baby bat, Peter Parker gets a spider bite radioactive GM Robert Bruce Banner was hit by gamma rays to save Rick Jones has turned green with anger.

the price to pay to become a superhero is always been high.

I found myself with a scar on the scrotum, but no super powers. only a cat litter and a big headache.

the cat had escaped. my balls were back in their place. I wanted to see? I was going crazy? the only thing that was clear was how my life had become like a long tunnel, with the bitter realization that if I see the light, that was only the entrance.

I walked around hoping to find the car at traffic lights red, yellow, slow down and look with all those people through the glass of the car, as if they were extras in a script without a subject.

a woman and a child were holding hands across the sidewalk to my left. she cried, the child ate an ice cream with his free hand, but the ice that falls from his hands and began to cry too. behind them, a German shepherd who walked an elderly blind man with sunglasses, stopped to smell the ice on the ground. Grandpa took advantage of the pause to start pissing in front of the window of a boutique high fashion in full swing, in front of the beautiful and elegant ladies committed. a girl inside the store staff noticed and seemed to call someone with his finger pointing in the direction of the elderly while the dazed confusion take hold among the elegant ladies and their rich husbands. but the German shepherd pointed something, and left in the fourth, taking with him the old man with flashes of urine everywhere.

still shouting horns. even the green light.

looked in the rearview mirror and saw Umberto Bossi, looking impatient and strong hands nervously on the steering wheel. I rang again.

slipped comfortably the first and spread slowly to make it even more angry. the road routes to twenty hour continuing to keep an eye on the mirror. seemed to have started to curse but I could not hear him. began to zigzag with the car, more to express his impatience that groped for a pass. both knew that there would be enough space. then tried a surprise move, turning right, but I sensed immediately his intentions: the bastard would have embarked on the road parallel to then check in front of the roundabout.

having no car in front speed up gaining the pole position at the crossroads and traffic flow I remain ready to go.
pending Umberto I saw passing in front of a dog type Lessie with a pink bow on his head, followed closely by the first German shepherd with his tongue hanging out and shabby as an old and incontinent, which dragged on a leash still pee on the right and left. then I saw him, Umberto, I made the engine roar, I let go the last machine before him and snapped. perfect timing. I was the front again. deceleration and so resumed my pace phlegmatic twenty per hour.

looked in the mirror: Umberto beat her fists on the steering wheel separately invoking saints and demons.

however, the ephemeral satisfaction soon left the place with a heavy sense of dissatisfaction. as the unpleasant feeling of having nothing better to do. What was a child. ridiculous. so I turned left to clear the road. I played with the horn to say goodbye to Humbert, but he pulled out his middle finger out the window by sending me to fuck sincerely.

had to do something, but I did not want to do anything. I did not want to work or marry. was voluntary, but the lepers, the obese, the elderly, doctors, lawyers and managers made me sick. not envisaged anything good horizon. possibly with the alcoholism I finally found something authentic in worrying about, so I stopped at a Pakistani and bought a bottle of rum on the cheap. then went back into the car and the red in red brindai health across the nation.

how long I should wait before they hit the bottom?

maybe I was already digging into quicksand.

was drunk soon. the first steps in the career of an alcoholic are the easiest. so I headed home before you see me driving license and vehicle confiscated.

soon I found parking right in front of my gate. perhaps an unknown god, and lonely alcoholic, was feeding mercy on me.

inside the elevator I was there, in the mirror, or at least the new me. my body was changing. my hair was thicker, my eyes bluer. I found that under the layer of fat that had always been wrapped were buried elastic muscles and strong. not to mention the shit, now could have become rich and famous actor.

reached the floor, I opened the door and felt a strange tingling in the testes.

turned on the light and saw a white envelope on the floor. I picked it up and opened it.

was a letter:

Dear Candidate,

inform you that the assessment of its requirements for the role:

Agent Team Benedetta Benedetto

was successful.

His code name is: N0144

His appointment will Start From: Now

Please submit in our office in Barletta, Via Boccassini 21,

for the registration of the contract of employment to infinite time.

And 'our duty to inform you that, for security reasons, the cancellation of his memory has already begun.

Sincerely

Human Resources Department - The Team Benedetta.

- now?